


grey before dawn

by obstinateRixatrix



Category: Ultraman R/B (TV)
Genre: F/F, Grief/Mourning, Spoilers, it’s sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 17:51:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20532119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obstinateRixatrix/pseuds/obstinateRixatrix
Summary: Someday, Asahi will move on. Until then...





	grey before dawn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oryx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oryx/gifts).

> first time participating in an exchange! fill's for a super good writer! I've reread oryx's build fic like twenty times
> 
> also big huge thanks to sundry for being ultra consultant during the writing process (& for title suggestion)

Okay. It’s obviously pointless, texting someone who… isn’t here anymore. And it’s something her family would definitely worry about (which is why she doesn’t tell them). But it’s not really a habit!

Or, not a bad one!

The thing is, there’s just a lot that Asahi didn’t manage to say before Tsuru-chan… left. And this is a way to kind of get it all out there! It’s not healthy to hold things in! Plus, there’s a lot that reminds her of Tsuru-chan, and it’d be too sad to just have it float by and disappear, just a passing thought with nothing to show for it. The fact that the shop is fine, and so are all the shirts, that’s important information Tsuru-chan deserves to know. A cute dessert, a friendly dog at the park, anything interesting, it’s all stuff that would’ve made her super happy! And that’s— that’s how she should remember Tsuru-chan, right? In a happy way.

Maybe sometimes Asahi thinks of what kind of responses she’d get, observations and questions and quotes (though it’s hard to say which ones; Tsuru-chan knew a lot of them) but she’s not _ actually _ expecting that one day she’ll get a text back.

It’s just.

It’s not impossible, right?

Asahi exists, and that’s kind of a miracle, right? Isa-nii and Katsu-nii are Ultraman, which is also kind of a miracle. Mom came back, and that’s _ definitely _ a miracle. Miraculous things have happened before. Maybe Tsuru-chan isn’t gone forever, just... gone for now.

It’s not something Asahi is actually expecting, but is it denial if there’s logic to it?

Tsuru-chan would know. She’d probably have a quote.

* * *

Even though she’s trying very very hard to be as happy as she can, it’s impossible to be happy all the time. That’s life! That’s part of being— human? Well, she’s not, but the point still stands! There’s times even she won’t be happy, and it doesn’t have to be a big deal. Or, it’s a big deal sometimes and usually she’d like for them to cheer her up, but not right now. Right now she’d really like for everyone to pretend she’s doing a good enough job of keeping a smile on her face.

It’s a good enough job for Isa-nii!

But not for Katsu-nii.

“Asahi,” he starts, in that tone he takes when he’s trying really hard to be the big brother because he’s got big brother things to say. “I’ve been thinking, there’s something we should all probably talk about. Right?”

“What?” Isa-nii says.

“I can’t really think of anything,” Asahi says, even though there’s definitely a bunch of things he’d probably want to talk about. Like the fact that Asahi’s, technically, either really old or really young because she’s a rock? And an alien? An alien rock? It’s confusing. “You guys want some candy?”

Katsu-nii shakes his head, but Isa-nii grabs a couple and pops one in his mouth. “Sounds like you’re the one who wants to talk, Katsu-nii.”

“... I guess so.” Katsu-nii clears his throat, looking pretty awkward. If he doesn’t want to bring it up, why bother? But, he manages to push through the discomfort and say, “About Mitsurugi—”

Asahi shoves a piece of candy in his mouth.

“Um! We don’t have to talk about this!” She really doesn’t want to! Already, she can feel her chest tighten as she remembers the fading weight of Tsuru-chan in her arms, the press of her hand against Asahi’s cheek, that last smile—

“It’s really important,” Katsu-nii says, dodging all other attempts to silence him with candy. “I just need you to know— stop that— I need you to know I’m sorry!”

Asahi freezes. “You’re… sorry?”

“I’m sorry,” Katsu-nii repeats. “I said we could handle it, that we’d find a way, but in the end…”

“Don’t,” Asahi says.

“It’s my fault, I should’ve—“

“Don’t! It’s not your fault! If it’s your fault, then it’s my fault! And Isa-nii’s! And Mom’s! And Tsuru-chan’s!” Asahi clenches her skirt, the threat of tears welling up in her eyes. “We’re not the reason she’s gone. Reugosite is.” And, even though it’s the truth, saying so isn’t satisfying at all. It’s not like blaming anyone brings Tsuru-chan back.

“Look what you did,” Isa-nii accuses, even though Asahi just finished talking about how fault doesn't really matter. “That was a terrible way to bring it up.”

“It’s better to talk about it than to just shove it down and pretend nothing’s wrong!” Katsu-nii lets out a sigh, then turns to Asahi, “You’re right. Saying it’s my fault isn’t really helpful. But it hurts to lose someone important, and I don’t want you to think you can’t talk about it with us.”

“Losing someone important…” And that’s right, they’d know how that feels, wouldn’t they. It’s not like Asahi forgot, it’s just. Something she didn’t really think about. “When mom was gone—”

But wait, bringing that up is just going to make everyone unhappy.

Then Katsu-nii prompts, softly, “When mom was gone?”

“When mom was gone, what did you guys do?”

It’s different of course, since mom… wasn’t dead. They never thought she was. She was missing for a long time but they didn’t see her die, didn’t hold her as she faded away, but even then maybe, just maybe, isn't there a chance Tsuru-chan could come back—

Katsu-nii and Isa-nii crowd her into a group hug. It's nice. Grounding.

“It helped to remember her,” Katsu-nii says.

“We were there for each other,” Isa-nii says.

And, it’s hard to take that to heart right now. But later. When she’s ready.

* * *

Asahi’s always been a little weak to sweets. Or, maybe weak isn’t the way to describe it; that makes it sound kind of bad, but sweets just make her happy!

The cafe she likes has something new on the menu, which is pretty exciting. Something with taro? She’s been really looking forward to trying it out! And what makes it better is that she managed to snag Tsuru-chan, too! The perfect opportunity to catch up and chat a while. Good food and a good friend, it’s a super happy time! Even Tsuru-chan looks happy!

She looks… happy.

“This is a dream,” she says with sudden clarity.

The slight smile doesn’t leave Tsuru-chan’s face, but it takes a bit of a sympathetic slant. “It is.”

And maybe it’s a silly question but Asahi can’t help but ask, “Does that mean it’s not real?”

“An old friend once said: is not our life a dream?” Tsuru-chan says. “Fyodor Dostoevsky.”

Asahi grabs her hand. It’s hard to say whether or not there’s any warmth, but it feels solid.

“It’s you, isn’t it! It has to be you! I don’t know anything about Do— Dostevs—”

“Dostoevsky,” Tsuru-chan gently corrects, and she looks painfully fond. Asahi never managed to get that expression out of her, before…

“If you’re here, doesn’t that mean you can come back?”

Tsuru-chan reaches up with her free hand, gently pressing it against Asahi’s cheek as she wipes away a tear. “You can’t wait for me.”

“I know.” Asahi tightens her grip. “Come back anyway?”

“I never left. I will always be by your side.”

That’s not what she meant. Come back in the waking world. Come back and meet her family, this time without anyone fighting, without the Earth at stake.

“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it,” Asahi says, trying to muster up any amount of bitterness, but she can’t; it comes out just a little too soft.

She closes her eyes. Leans into Tsuru-chan. Morning will come. Someday she’ll let go. But just for now, the weight of Tsuru-chan’s hand rests in hers.

**Author's Note:**

> I had to watch the last eps of r/b to refresh my memory and and asaki made me cry (again)


End file.
